I've been struggling with a health issue for months now. The doctors are all stumped. All the poking, prodding, measuring, testing, and other indignities they have put me through have yielded exactly zero information as to the cause of why I often feel like I'm about to pass out when I'm walking. It doesn't happen at any other time, or in any other situation... just walking... and it doesn't happen all the time. Usually, when it occurs, I just stop for a few seconds, the feeling passes, and then I continue on. There seems to be no discernable pattern or trigger. Sometimes I'll go for days without an occurrence; other times it happens with frightening regularity.
Now, at my age, I don’t care too much about being an athlete, but I would like to be able to play with my grandson, walk across our church campus, or even walk around the block… without worrying about passing out. There must be a lesson in all this for me. There is probably a lesson to the doctors, too. I just hope they figure out what their lesson is before I bump up against an expiration date.
I’ve prayed for years to be set free from gardening. My wife loves to garden, which happens to mean that she expects ME to cut, and prune, and weed, and dig, too. “Be careful what you pray for, as you just might get it.” Remember that old saying? Recently, I’ve been released from many of the yard work chores, but it’s not the sweet victory I had envisioned. Right now, I’d be happy to trade this mystery ailment for a continued lifetime of gardening and yard work.
Truly, you feel in bondage with something like this. I never know when I will feel its lash. I carry the weight and the burden of it, and it has robbed me of my freedom. Its random (but ever increasing) attacks are both disturbing and frightening. Each time I am attacked, I cry out to God to literally hold me up. He does, and… I continue on.
This week, while searching for something else, I bumped into this beautiful and powerful song by Reuben Morgan that helped me lose some of the anxiety I’d been feeling lately. There was instant recognition when I first heard this song, as these were the words my heart had been singing for months… OK, so perhaps not in quite so beautifully a poetic fashion… but close. [; )]
Still
by Hillsong United
Words and Music by Reuben Morgan
Hide me now
Under your wings
Cover me
Within your mighty hand
When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father you are king over the flood
I will be still and know you are God
Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know his power
In quietness and trust
How are you under attack? Is it something physical, like me? Is it pressure with family? Are you under stress at work? Is school overwhelming? Is there an addiction that never ceases to torment you? In all these things, and more, the words of the song resonate with me:
Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know his power
In quietness and trust
I hope you enjoy hearing the song on the embedded video.
Your brother in Christ,
Dave
Life is scary sometimes. We are always dependent upon God, He is the only help, but it is hard to be still and remember that sometimes. I've only passed out twice, in the middle of the night, because I hadn't been eating hardly at all after Diehl died... but that wasn't a mystery. Vagueness is such a trial. Not knowing is often harder to deal with than facing whatever something is. I find myself singing and praying through singing often. "Lead me to the Rock that is higher than I." "Be Thou My Vision, O Lord of My Heart" "Pass me not, O gentle Savior, hear my humble cry" "Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say, it is well, it is well with my soul!" "Just a closer walk with Thee" and of course the one Diehl put on his blog his last week, "Precious Lord, take my hand, lead me on, let me stand..." Those are my particular ones. I pray he will always take your hand, and keep you standing.
ReplyDeletePrayers your way Dave :)
ReplyDeleteAs for the topic of the blog-- It is true life is very scary and unpredictable. I remember reading somewhere that people think they are going to live forever so they face death and dying with ultimate fear. But as followers of Christ, we know God will help us stand and that we DO LIVE ETERNALLY!... that's what's truly amazing. So amazing sometimes we just have to stand with God in His presence to realize it.
I know many songs that keep me standing... "Redemption Song" w/ the break "...and I'll stand with hands high and heart abandoned..." any many others that gives great strength thru the Spirit.
And just for you--:) A little bit of Word Encouragement
Isaiah 40:27-31--Why do you say, O Jacob, and assert, O Israel,
"My way is hidden from the LORD,
And the justice due me escapes the notice of my God"?
Do you not know? Have you not heard?
The Everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth
Does not become weary or tired
His understanding is inscrutable.
He gives strength to the weary,
And to him who lacks might He increases power.
Though youths grow weary and tired,
And vigorous young men stumble badly,
Yet those who wait for the LORD
Will gain new strength;
They will mount up with wings like eagles,
They will run and not get tired,
They will walk and not become weary. (NASB-Biblegateway.com)
Sara and Monica... thank you for the prayers and the encouragement.
ReplyDeleteDear Dave, You knew Diehl well. For quite a while one of his favorite songs was on Ricky Skaggs' CD "Soldier of the Cross" about looking forward to going home.
ReplyDeleteI'm waitin' at the gate, lookin' for my ride
Soon to take me to my home on high,
Angel band's comin' from the other side
I don't want to be late, I'm waitin' at the gate.
I can hear the thunder, the time's at hand
Joybells ringin' in the promised land,
Jesus is comin' my soul to take
Don't want to be late, I'm waitin' at the gate.
I'm leavin' this world, no more to do
All of my work on earth is through.
I've fought the fight, I've kept the faith.
I'm ready to go, waitin' at the gate.
(Chorus again)
Yes my Lord sees me, waitin' at the gate.
Yes we are all dying. We have a better home to come. That does not mean that we don't still have work here, still have testimony to give of what the Lord does in our own lives. Diehl used to talk about how he believed in the 'perseverance of the saints'.
Here's to persevering. In Christ. Blessings upon your head.