I Have No Friends

My niece posted something on Facebook this week which caught my attention. She wrote that she:

“…feels like she really doesn’t have any true friends. :`(”

Twelve hours later, she replied to her own post with:

“...and absolutely nobody says anything in response. Wow I love that.”

After several days, there was still no other response to her initial post. Now, I don’t feel like this is a betrayal of any trust, as posting something on Facebook is tantamount to posting it in the middle of the town square, shouting it from the rooftops, or broadcasting it on the BBC Radio Network.

Admittedly, Facebook is one of the hottest social networking sites on the web today. As for how hot it’ll be in six months, check with Myspace. Anybody still remember Myspace? LOL! Anyway, my point is that although the web is a great tool for the distribution of information, and though it allows almost instantaneous communication to occur, it cannot guarantee that information will be distributed fairly or correctly, or that communication will occur. Indeed, as people are discovering, the more Facebook friends you have, the harder it is to glean useful information from the flood of idle or useless chatter that pours in from all of your friends.

Facebook, in creating a clever bit of alliteration (Facebook Friends), has confused the issue of what a friend is for millions of people. Facebook friends… ha! Let’s take a quick tally of your friends… as defined on Facebook: relatives, acquaintances, classmates, co-workers, and yes… perhaps a good friend or two.

Let’s start with relatives. Few people count their relatives as friends. Relatives can push too many of our buttons. Relatives lay guilt trips on us. Relatives are the biological families we grew up in, and study after study reveals that most biological families are messed up. For most of us, we remain tied only by family obligations. We often feel forsaken or betrayed at times by family. Do you count family as real friends? Let’s be honest.

Then there are the acquaintances, classmates, and co-workers… as soon as the external pressure that holds you together is removed, the close friendship-like connection is removed, as well. Just think about all the close friends you had in school, in a club, or on a job. How many of those friendships survived very long after graduation, a move, or a change in job status? What kind of friend are you to your former best friend from high school who is now an alcoholic? What kind of friend are you to your former best friend at work who got laid off instead of you, and who is still out of work after more than a year? Let’s be honest.

Wait… what about all the members of my church fellowship that are also Facebook friends? We call each other brothers and sisters; we refer to each other as our church family. Although I must admit feeling closer to many in my church family, I also recognize that many are closer to being acquaintances than friends.

Real friends love you, support you, lift you up, encourage you, and sometimes… even challenge you. They love you even though they know all your imperfections. They see past your flaws, and see something more than what the world (or even our relatives) can see. Of course, real friendship is a 2-way street; otherwise it is just a type of hero worship. Real friends are ready to be there for each other. Real friends don’t count the cost. Real friends show the kind of love that Paul speaks about in his first letter to the church at Corinth:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

The world is full of people who are trying so hard to find a friend that they don’t realize that they aren’t doing so well at being a friend. You cannot force someone to be your friend by making them feel guilty… or by begging them to be your friend… or by nagging or bullying them into being your friend. Want to find a real friend? It won’t be through Facebook. Try volunteering your time and energy to your community. Enroll in a class or join a club in which you have a genuine interest. Go to church and ask how you can get more involved; join a Bible study, teach Sunday school, or see if they have a need that you can fill.

I fear that there are not very many of us that really know how to be a real friend; mostly, as with the Facebook entry, friendship ends up being centered all about us. And if a friend lets us down, as they might often do, then we are angered and we begin to keep a record of wrongs. If we think about it, if we are honest with ourselves, most of us are pretty self-serving friends. In the gospel of John, Jesus teaches us what it means to be a real friend:

“Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.”
John 15:13

That doesn’t necessarily mean that we need to die for our friends. But that would almost be easier than daily laying aside our life-wishes in order to be a better friend. It’s easy to expect friends to be there for us. Being a real friend means not just being there for someone, but putting their needs first. Just a few verses later, Jesus boils the whole thing down to a 3 word command:

“This is my command: Love each other.”
John 15:17

While writing this post, the following song popped unbidden into my heart. I’m better with tunes than I am with lyrics, so I had to look it up on the web. As you read the lyrics, think about the scripture verses. Yes, indeed…

What a friend we have in Jesus

What a Friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.

Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged; take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness; take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy laden, cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge, take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do your friends despise, forsake you? Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In His arms He’ll take and shield you; you will find a solace there.

Blessed Savior, Thou hast promised Thou wilt all our burdens bear
May we ever, Lord, be bringing all to Thee in earnest prayer.
Soon in glory bright unclouded there will be no need for prayer
Rapture, praise and endless worship will be our sweet portion there.

Original lyrics by: Joseph M. Scriven, 1820-1886.
Original music by: Charles C. Converse, 1832-1918.

Just click below to see a short YouTube clip of the gospel singer Odetta and the great Tennessee Ernie Ford singing this timeless gospel hymn.



Perhaps we all need to be reminded of what a friend we have in Jesus. Perhaps we need to pray fervently that we might open our hearts, let Jesus commune with us, and that we let the Holy Spirit guide us to be better friends… more Christ-like friends… to ALL we meet. Maybe then, we won’t worry so much about how many friends we might (or might not) have.

Your brother in Christ,

Dave