I could defend my actions, and even remind you that Jesus got angry and frustrated, too (remember Jesus driving the merchants and money changers out of the temple?). I could give you a big list of my frustrations (who, and what), but then I realize that many of my close friends have frustrations that trump mine by a mile. Perhaps you know what I mean.
Often, one of our greatest sources of frustration comes from those we love. Certainly, the disciples provided Jesus with no end of frustration. Yet, he loved them. As a disciple of Christ, this greatly encourages me when I miss the mark… when I sin… when I am far from Christ-like. He loves us, too. Jesus understands our flaws and loves us anyway. It doesn’t matter what our flaws are as long as we accept the salvation that Jesus paid for with his suffering and death, and as long as we declare Him to be the resurrected Lord of our lives. I’m in constant awe that God can use us… flawed and broken though we may often seem… as a conduit for His perfect Holy Spirit in the world today.
When my wife Patti is really frustrated with me, she sometimes gets rid of things. Our daughters learned early on that when their mother got too frustrated with the state of their rooms, she would clean their rooms herself… getting rid of many items she felt were useless, unused, or unwanted (in her estimation, but not always in the estimation of my daughters). She was always a lot less frustrated after filling several trash bags with old toys, clothes that no longer fit, and useless bric-a-brac. Yesterday, being very frustrated with me, she began going through stuff in our closet, and found a box of old letters. She threw out many that held no meaning anymore, had her mood lifted by some letters from her brother Richard, and found a letter from my Grandfather that she gave to me.
It was a letter my Grandfather wrote in 1979. To be honest, I don’t recall ever having read the letter back then. Since I didn’t accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior until 1988, it seems that God’s Holy Spirit was guiding my Grandfather to speak to me through the letter in some future time. My Grandfather was a strong willed man with an unshakable faith, a special way of looking at the wonder of God’s creation, and certain that the Lord was a part of his daily existence. Here is a portion of his letter:
Thank you and my God bless and love you for your thoughtfulness in sending me the lovely card while I was in the hospital. Thank you too for remembering me in your prayers. The condition when I entered the hospital for tests was to find out why my blood count for red and white cells was down to 25 to 30% of normal. Was it internal bleeding or was the blood not being manufactured? Dave, it is now just a little of a mystery like your magic, it may be one or the other, or both. Hopefully, the doctors will uncover the mystery and find the answer. The spleen is slightly enlarged and may be blocking the blood formation entering the body from the bone marrow; possibly, since receiving 7 units of blood (red cells) there may be a normal functioning of the Spleen. Time will tell. However, the Police force (white cells) count is still the same as before.
It has been a beautiful revelation to me, after getting the first 3 units of blood (a gift of some kind person) to have back most of my reserve energy; another precious two blessings to thank our Blessed Lord for when I am united to Him at daily Mass and Holy Communion. It was certainly a sort of Divine Revelation to me to learn of the great material strengthening that blood gives the body. And then from there, to more fully understand the more perfect and far-reaching spiritual strengthening of the soul and our body by partaking of our Blessed Lord’s real body and blood in Holy Communion.
It’s a mystery how my Grandfather’s spirit can suddenly speak to me over all these years, and yet it has. I don’t need to echo his beautiful message. Read his words again, and I’ll see you on Sunday… at Communion.
Your brother in Christ,
Dave
What an amazing post Dave! It is true that sometimes you get frustrated the most with the people you love the most. & I remember almost ever time, after I have calmed down, that it shakes me to remember Jesus would not wanted me to always act in that manner. And I have lost things to a mother-cleaning incident as well... or was forced to clean the room at 3am when i didn't do as she asked.
ReplyDeleteI think sometimes we need past reminders that will help make us stronger. Either by old photos, letters, or just a faint memory, sometimes the little pieces mean so much more.
As an aside... Diehl once put a Condemned notice on our daughter's door, with a brand-new large trash can that we would fill if she didn't clean it up in 24 hours...
ReplyDeleteLast fall I found myself angrier than I had been in *decades*. Somebody went behind my back and didn't follow the rules and she wasn't authorized to make the changes for the organization with the national group, to set herself up. So angry. I get angriest when things aren't done 'decently and in good order'. The problem is that the situation had been simmering for a long time. I hadn't worked through it with forgiveness. So, there I was so very angry and actually hating. Well, when I sing I pray the songs. So the vocal ensemble I'm in was working on
ReplyDelete"Be Thou My Vision, O Lord of my heart.
Naught be all else to me save that Thou art! Thou my best thoughts by day or by night,
waking or sleeping, Thy Presence my light."
So. How could I be filled with the Presence of God and be engulfed in anger? The Lord took pity on me, loving me anyway, and forgave me, reminded me that when I look to Him I have peace, when I look to others, to my situation, to *myself*, I am sinking like Peter when he was walking on the water. He looked at his situation and was in trouble, but the Lord extended his loving hand.
How wonderful to have your grandfather's counsel lo these many years later, when perhaps at the time you didn't have 'ears to hear' but you do now. I have just found a box of old letters from Diehl's mother and grandmother. I don't have time to read them all now but how I look forward to celebrating the connection in our lives! They were solid Christians.