by Garrison Keillor
Lutherans are bred from childhood to sing in four-part harmony. It's a talent that comes from sitting on the lap of someone singing alto or tenor or bass and hearing the harmonic intervals by putting your little head against that person's rib cage. It's natural for Lutherans to sing in harmony. We're too modest to be soloists, too worldly to sing in unison. When you're singing in the key of C and you slide into the A7th and D7th chords, all two hundred of you, it's an emotionally fulfilling moment.
I once sang the bass line of Children of the Heavenly Father in a room with about three thousand Lutherans in it; and when we finished, we all had tears in our eyes, partly from the promise that God will not forsake us, partly from the proximity of all those lovely voices. By our joining in harmony, we somehow promise that we will not forsake each other. I do believe this: People, these Lutherans, who love to sing in four-part harmony, are the sort of people you could call up when you're in deep distress. If you're dying, they'll comfort you. If you're lonely, they'll talk to you. And if you're hungry, they'll give you tuna salad!
The following list was compiled by a 20th century Lutheran who, observing other Lutherans, wrote down exactly what he saw or heard:
- Lutherans believe in prayer, but would practically die if asked to pray out loud.
- Lutherans like to sing, except when confronted with a new hymn or a hymn with more than four stanzas.
- Lutherans believe their pastors will visit them in the hospital, even if they don't notify them that they are there.
- Lutherans usually follow the official liturgy and will feel it is their way of suffering for their sins.
- Lutherans believe in miracles and even expect miracles, especially during their stewardship visitation programs or when passing the plate.
- Lutherans feel that applauding for their children's choirs would make the kids too proud and conceited.
- Lutherans think that the Bible forbids them from crossing the aisle while passing the peace.
- Lutherans drink coffee as if it were the Third Sacrament.
- Some Lutherans still believe that an ELCA bride and an LCMS groom make for a mixed marriage.
- Lutherans feel guilty for not staying to clean up after their own wedding reception in the Fellowship Hall.
- Lutherans are willing to pay up to one dollar for a meal at church.
- Lutherans think that Garrison Keillor stories are totally factual.
- Lutherans still serve Jell-O in the proper liturgical color of the season and think that peas in a tuna noodle casserole add too much color.
- Lutherans believe that it is OK to poke fun at themselves and never take themselves too seriously.
And finally, you know when you're a Lutheran when:
- It is 100 degrees, with 90% humidity, and you still have coffee after the service.
- You hear something really funny during the sermon and smile as loudly as you can!
- Donuts are a line item in the church budget, just like coffee.
- The communion cabinet is open to all, but the coffee cabinet is locked up tight.
- All your relatives graduated from a school named Concordia.
- When you watch a ‘Star Wars’ movie and they say, “May the Force be with you”, you respond, “and also with you”.
- You actually understand those folks from Lake Wobegon, MN.
- And lastly, it takes ten minutes to say good-bye
-------------------------------------------
This is as funny today as when Garrison Keillor first collected these musings about Lutherans prior to January of 2005. Some things are still true to this day. Lutherans DO poke fun at themselves, and they DON’T take themselves too seriously. I especially love the part (and know it to be totally true) about Lutherans being “the sort of people you could call up when you're in deep distress. If you're dying, they'll comfort you. If you're lonely, they'll talk to you. And if you're hungry, they'll give you tuna salad!”
Here’s a thought: Why not come sing with us Lutherans? I’ll be looking for you on Sunday!
Your brother in Christ,
Dave
Yes indeed, Lutherans are a singing people. One of my favorite songs is "How Can I Keep From Singing!" My mother who was tone-deaf still loved to sing at the top of her voice (the only one ever to be kicked out of the *mandatory* confirmation/parochial school choir... My dad fortunately wasn't like that.
ReplyDeleteThe newer songs are sometimes written for unison with accompaniment that has nothing to do with singing or parts, and as an alto, I am sometimes lost then. But give me a regular 4-part hymn, and even if I don't know that one, I can usually figure out an alto line that fits in the chords. (even better if the music is provided in the hymnal rather than merely the words projected on the screen).
Saint Augustine, an early church father (whose mother's name was Monica) wrote:
"For he that singeth praise, not only praiseth, but only praiseth with gladness: he that singeth praise, not only singeth, but also loveth him of whom he singeth. In praise, there is the speaking forth of one confessing; in singing, the affection of one loving."
This has been shortened to:
"He who sings prays twice."
Many hymns are prayers themselves. Many are praising God. It is so very uplifting to sing among people rather than by oneself, though I find I sing a lot of hymns by myself. Whenever I teach the Sunday School class (50s/60s) I always use a hymn somewhere. We are not meant to always be alone in our worship, Hipshot notwithstanding.When we sing together, in close proximity, the music soars from our hearts more, and I find myself caught up in worship, not merely in singing. What a treasure to have grown up in a singing congregation rather than one which merely sort of does a couple of verses and then lets the soloists have at it.
Regarding applause, last year at a Lutheran brunch someone asked about protocol because more and more someone would applaud, and that had never happened before this last year. However, at my current church (not Lutheran) applause is normal. I once told the youth pastor that I don't applaud during the service because it's not a 'program', and he said, "That's ok, you smile!" My Lutheran heart is uncomfortable with applause because we are supposed to be turned towards God rather than ourselves. On the other hand, this church is full of encouragers.