Last week’s post generated a wonderful response from Monica. After thinking about it a bit more, Monica sent me an email that expanded brilliantly on that same subject. With her kind permission, I now share it with you:
Anger and Forgiveness; Unkindness and Kindness
By Monica Martin
These past several months I have been working hard on forgiveness. It has been difficult for me to accept forgiveness myself and not keep 'beating myself up' over things that happened in the past. However, greater understanding that the Lord really loves me has helped in that regard.
So now, regarding other people...
I was glad to be 2,100 miles away from my nemesis relative, who verbally and sometimes physically delighted in fighting and debasing me. Locally, this past year has been very difficult with a few certain people undermining my term as President of an organization, and trying to remove people and other things which were specifically not their responsibility; going behind my back. Also, board meetings often turned into very unpleasant times. I believe in the cause of the national organization but the local problems were draining me completely emotionally.
So besides praying, I went to my pastor. He told me two things:
1. We are commanded to forgive;
2. It's not for them but for us.
Of course there is a benefit for them, but sometimes they don't even realize it because they are so busy attacking (sort of reminiscent of sixth grade, or junior high school girls).
Another pastor once told me that forgiveness is making no consequences for the person's having done something to me. No retribution. I had accomplished that much; I can be polite, I can greet people when I cannot avoid them and then do as little as possible with them. I thought I had it covered...
But no! As I was double-checking my own paperwork with the organization, I found yet another betrayal. I was angrier than I had been in DECADES. I cannot live like this!
I tend to sing often to turn my thoughts to the Lord. Being so very angry, and not able to control it, I turned to singing. One of the songs our vocal ensemble has been working on is one of my very favorite hymns, “Be Thou My Vision.” So that is what I found myself singing. I was stunned when I realized that if all else was to be nothing except that God Is, then all of the machinations, pettiness, and meanness was nothing to me.
Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.
Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.
Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.
High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.
The problem here so far is that I was trying to 'behave' and act right on my own. We 'ought' to forgive, 70 times 7 (which is to say, without end). But having a rule/law doesn't always help. That wasn't enough. I wasn't really thinking that this was all nothing, but rather looking to my own hurt self. But turning to the Lord, realizing that He was my joy, He forgave me, and it freed me so very much to forgive them. That was really a great day of rejoicing.
But not so fast... turns out that being among them still chafes.
At one of the meetings someone asked me why I looked so unhappy (I wasn't happy). Then she asked me why not? She's also a Christian and aware that God is our joy and not the things we do or the people we are among. So I still had some work to do.
Then recently the other pastor spoke about what he will be doing in the New Year. I missed a lot of what he said because one point stuck in my brain and heart as something that I must do:
Be kind to the unkind.
That, by the grace of God, will effect forgiveness for them, and in me. I cannot do this myself, so I sing and pray, and pray and sing:
With God dwelling in me, with Jesus standing beside me,
“Thou my great Father, I thy true son;”
If my heart is really set on you God, and I walk in the love of Jesus,
Then your Spirit will give me the grace to forgive.
Post script: Monica is a professional photographer; one of the top photographers in Alabama. I asked her to pick a picture that best reflected the blog entry topic. I wanted her to choose something related to the topic, but with meaning to HER heart. Since I offered to credit her work, I thought she’d send me one of her photographs. Instead, Monica sent me a picture taken by her good friend Jim Solomon who took the photo at the 40th anniversary party that commemorated Monica and Diehl’s First Date March 11, 2007. She lovingly remembers the kindness and loving heart of her husband:Diehl was always kind to me when I was angry; the rule from before we married was that I couldn't throw anything except paper napkins and pillows. So if I was frustrated and threw down a paper napkin, he would pick it up, present it to me with both hands, and say, "Pretty Lady is this yours?" with a loving smile; which, of course, made me smile or laugh.
Your brother in Christ, Dave
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